Oh, Drat! Oh, Drat!
July 1, 2014
One week has passed... and I am freaking out!
This is turning into a retreat from hell!
I cannot get a handle on my work. I am working day and night, but my direction feels askew and noncommittal... My 'to do' list is huge and I am not moving forward. Thought time was my friend. Now it is my enemy.
Only one month to go. I cannot breathe.
I have a sudden need to wash the kitchen floor and vacuum. The vacuum catches on the laptop wire, dumping the entire contents of my paint water on my work table, drenching my work and keyboard. The rest of the day is spent rescuing my laptop, and drying papers in the sun. No more cleaning.
I have been back and forth to the library, frantically checking out picture books. I have surrounded myself with my personal masters of inspiration, hoping this will do the trick. The work of Patricia Polacco, David Shannon, Mark Buehner and Michael Paraskevas all seem to give me that warm and fuzzy creative feeling. They are so masterful, brilliant, unique and sublime! And suddenly I am intimidated in their presence.... diminished by their genius...
When I am befuddled creatively... I also become an amnesiac. I must remind myself that creativity is a complicated 'affliction' that works in mysterious ways. But there are answers. Creatives are known for their 'blocks'... sometimes it's called procrastination, self sabotage, immobilization, etc... Steven Pressfield, in his book, "The War of Art" (the bible for the creative) calls it 'Resistance.' I know I must be facing some form of resistance even though I am working furiously. So I go through the ritual of exploring random pages of "The War of Art" to search for answers. ALAS! It is as if the universe empathizes with my plight, and almost immediately, these words pop off the page...
'The more important a call or action is to our soul's evolution, the more Resistance we feel towards pursuing it."
I will sleep on this.